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|29 mar 2017|
Don't ever dream: We will not leave the country
Michael Delyagin 27.04.2010
Notwithstanding that it's much easier to be foreigner in the foreign country, than in our own
All of us - living in reforming Russia - for already quarter of century silently and painfully, in private have been solving a question of emigration.
Many left the country - and we know that on the whole they are ok there even to measures of host countries.
However the huge majority of us stayed.
Stayed in the accruing arbitrariness of bureaucracy periodically developing into terror, into spotty but in the whole steady deterioration of conditions of everyday life, into price and salary lawlessness, into clearing of all illusions.
More and more often we can hear from representatives of ruling bureaucracy simple and unambiguous, sometimes puzzled "Leave!"
Certainly not from television screens - though the country leaders "do not see anything terrible" in mass leave of young scientists and experts from the country. This thought can be heard in private conversations quite frankly.
You do not like laborious pulling out of last sprouts of democracy? - Go to Ukraine, it's still present there. Militian arbitrariness is not pleasant - believe us, it will be quieter in Belarus. You don't like dizzy expensiveness of everyone and their brother - you should really go to China - everything is cheaper and fairer there. You wish to spend safely summer or old age? - There is Abkhazia, Crimea and Montenegro and these are only budgetary variants.
While smart specialists will find work almost everywhere - certainly, except Russia: what do you do here, dissatisfied? Or you are so lazy that you cannot look to yourself and children for other place on all globe?
Clear a place for hardworking, cheap and ready to almost on all "compatriots from the near abroad": they are really necessary to Russia, while you are needless here, leave!
To repeat dissident: "It is our country, not yours, you should go away!" - means blowing up miserably having squeezed eyes.
In all honesty we admit silently at least to ourselves: it's already not "our" - it's for long time "their" country.
Almost quarter of a century of "reforms" have not sunk in. Painful torture by regularly falling hopes, endarkenment of young and old by central TV, alcohol and education reform, destruction of science and technologies, round-the-clock "course of the young gangster" under the pretext of soap operas, destruction of critical thinking using ruthless total lie, clannishness and corruption as a way of life, debauchery as culture essence, glamour as reliable replacement of intelligence, luxury of a small group of pompous grandees as national idea, aggressive animosities of the state to a citizen almost in all its displays, announcement extremism encyclopaedias - thanks to leaders they forgot about multiplication tables...
Is it our Russia?
Yes, it's not our, it's their Russia.
Russia more like a dreadful dream.
I understand those people who sincerely consider reception of automatically laundered "kick back" through Internet-banking sense of modernization and are perplexed why there are still in Russia other - needless people according to all official way of thinking - capable and eager to do something.
Well, many people cannot leave parents, do not wish to doom themselves to be the second-rate class in foreign society, they hope to give their children chance of realisation in own cultural environment; many people are simply passive.
Though it's much easier to be foreigner in foreign country, than in our own.
The main answer to a question what all of us do in Russia and why we stay in it contrary to own mind and accurately expressed will of management is, nevertheless, absolutely different.
We stay - and we stay meaningly to struggle with self-satisfied ruling thieves, idiots and murderers or at least to oppose them other, really Russian way of life. Not for the sake of replacement of a sandwich with butter on a sandwich with caviar, not for the sake of normal life of children, not for the sake of greatness of ancestors, poetic images, rocket board of the Native land and even democracy but due to such ephemeral thing as upbringing.
It turned out so that we have grown in a shade of great victories and in expectation of own victories.
Let's recollect: no matter how we treat history today - Great October was for us - small - the world victory of justice. The same way red banner impregnated with blood of our grandfathers over Reichstag. Let's ponder: close relatives of a half of living today Russians died at the front!
And, of course, Gagarin's imperishable smile was a victory which lighted up our childhood.
As generation we failed to achieve anything comparable but survival in 90s years and relative well-being in 2000s - not the least bit severe, simply more hypocritical - is a victory.
Yes, on personal and family, not on the state front but each of us honours memory of own relatives who dies in that war. They are not less numerous, than the ones who dies in other wars: go to a cemetery of any Russian city.
Having gained victories for ourselves we approached that age and, perhaps, "blossoming of forces" when it is time to gain victories for others.
If I live "for myself and for that guy" who died of hunger, or gone mad of hopelessness, or was killed in shoutout or in the Chechen Republic - it means I should also work for him. Not only "for myself and that guy who sits in the Kremlin": also for victims on invisible fronts of not yet declared but not the least severe war delicately called by us "reforms".
Our time to win came.
Not because otherwise we will suffer full and definite defeat and will hand over the Native land to the next wild beasts - no, in general, high words are indifferent to us, we know their price - our time to win came because owing to education and vital contribution we should gain victories.
Having settled a bit life of our families we are obliged to gain victories for all others - not settled.
Not because without it their trouble will crumple and crush our cozy worlds and return us in horror which we've just forgotten, though it is also true.
The reason is different: we were brought up for victories and to refuse them - means to refuse oneself.
We are not heroes but we successors of the winners brought up in a shade of not only that, not growing dull Victory but also in a shade of future victories - victories intended to us.
It is our habitat of dwelling and if postponed our victories for the period of making our ways in life, for giving birth to children and fighting for getting apartments - it would be naïve to think that we postponed them for ever.
For long time - but this "long time" passes.
And from height of our general thirst of general victory there are only we and they, only people and crowd of kleptocracy not allowing us to live and inexpressibly pity in their aggressive limited self-admiration.
We, people of Russia: poor and rich, "muskovites" and "boneheads", "obscurantists" and atheists staying and guarding, teaching and not able to read, operating, operated and not giving way to be operated basically - we stay here and will sweep you away, corrupted persons, you will dissappear.
Understand us correctly: not because it is fair - there's no justice.
Not because it was bequeathed to us by some god or personally by Vladimir Ilich Lenin.
Not because once we were taught at school that it's bad to steal and kill.
That is because we want it to be so.
We do not wish to see your fattened or grown thin on last Kremlin diet snoots vomiting heavy schizophrenic delirium.
We do not wish to bear your lie and larceny.
We do not wish to be biomass processed by you into palaces on Rublevka and drinking-boats in Courchevel.
We wish to be people - and nobody except you prevent us from it.
Consequently will disappear and we after you and without you will agree, despite all distinctions and even conflicts among ourselves.
We stay and I even don't feel pity for you.
It's indifferent to me how you would return to the Native land all you stole in ten or less than ten years.
The main thing that you - such haughty and powerful today and so successfully "flied off" tomorrow - will return all flack and boddle.
I admit the desire to look into your eyes at that moment keeps us to stay not less than the desire of general victory.
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