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Watermelons Underarms or How Verbal Volcano of "Edinaya Russia" Steamed on a Background of Crisis

Watermelons Underarms or How Verbal Volcano of "Edinaya Russia" Steamed on a Background of Crisis
Оleg Sultanov 31.03.2009

When economic atmosphere in our country is becoming condensed and clouds of future social disasters appear on the horizon, "Edinaya Russia" is automatically being put forward on a proscenium of political life as passionate fighter for happiness of people. Facts of crisis look to the Russians in eyes, devastate their pockets, while coordinator of state - patriotic club "Edinaya Russia", vice-president of the committee of the State Duma on Affairs of Federation and Regional Policy Irina Jarovaja sees the main task of party in power in "starting alive dialogue on a local and regional levels".


Making public speech on March, 26 at joint session of the Supreme Council and General Council of "Edinaya Russia" madam Jarovaja offered the concept of ten "yes" which, in her opinion, is capable to unit all inhabitants of the country in days of crisis. So, does it mean that it is enough to agree with below placed messages and crisis will leave Russia?


So: "* Crisis is a test for everyone;


* There were worse times in history of Russia and it was just recently;

* Crisis is created not by us;

* But we know what to do;

* Crisis shows who is who;

* Anti-recessionary team of the country - it's all of us;

* Russia has more chances and advantages, than others;

* The main thing - not to admit treachery;

* We shall lose, if we shall not change:

* We shall win!".


Well, one could only get pleased with the belief of functionaries of "Edinaya Russia" that one of the most burning problems of the modern Russian Federation could be solved through the use of ten "spells". It is possible to assume that this "axiom" have been entered by the members of "Edinaya Russia" basing on scrupulously collected facts, especially where it's stated that "there were worse times". Well, with such "ideological luggage" our party in power can enter every political fight with the rascals opposing anti-recessionary offers developed by analysts of "Edinaya Russia"!


Chairman of the Supreme Council of "Edinaya Russia" Boris Gryzlov also acted at the above-mentioned joint session. He once again reminded colleagues that they should not forget about sources of crisis which, as it's known to authorities of our country, had their origin in the economy of the USA. Then the party member shared with the present ingenious phrase: "We understand - the reasons of crisis are abroad and these reasons need to be eliminated ... ". You can understand as you wish; sources of the Russian crisis are in the United States, the reasons of our troubles are there. Chairman of the State Duma of Russia suggests to remove these reasons. Does you mean to do it in the military way, Boris Vjacheslavovich? The USA all the same are far from Southern Caucasus and Barrack Оbama is completely not like Michael Saakashvili chewing own tie ...


Let's give credit to B.Gryzlov's analytical abilities which "detailed", than his colleague I.Jarovaja explained essence of "anti-recessionary strategy" of the members of "Edinaya Russia": "What is the essence of our anti-recessionary strategy? It consists in not sitting and waiting but in passing to struggle against crisis from defense to attack!" Our speaker obviously is attracted by military sphere. It's interesting how he plans to attack the crisis sent us by Americans? Here it is being found out that army motives are being smoothly transformed into peace bureaucratic sounds that members of "Edinaya Russia" will attack through discussion: "Discussion of the program of anti-recessionary measures passes very actively. Party clubs are working in this direction. We have managed to achieve that inner-party discussion was a creative process and not bureaucratic procedure ... ".


Well, here everything's clear - clubs, discussions, creative tea-, coffee- chat-ins. It is good that all this "attack of crisis" passes, obviously, on party payments of the members of "Edinaya Russia" and not being paid from the budget of Russia. Or I am mistaken, sirs Duma members? However, it is probable that "struggle against crisis" passes not only at teas but also at the hard stuffs. I assume it only because there in B.Gryzlov's performance sounded such tones which in our country can be pronounced only by some excited politician. Namely, dear chapter of the lower chamber of Federal Assembly considers that the state can borrow means for realization of anti-recessionary actions from citizens of the country - through state loans. It is rather impressive sum: the Russians have in their coin boxes nowadays over 30 billion roubles.


Well, idea, certainly, is remarkable if bonds for this sum would be irrevocably redeemed by that part of the population which in the beginning of 1990th years spread out all actives of the USSR on personal jugs. I won't give surnames but if someone have memory blackouts, then they should ask the chapter of Audit Chamber general Stepashin whom our "conceptual" State Duma has not allowed to promulgate documents where it's described how all riches of the Soviet Union were nagged ... Speaker finished "analytics" a little bit "water-melon like". Well, you know how the person who hold a pair of watermelons under arms looks? You are right, he looks as self-confident "body-builder".


Boris Gryzlov noted that "Edinaya Russia" can become support of personnel policy of the state: "Today the anti-recessionary managers are especially in need, able to work in complex situations. We have such personnel!". Boris Vjacheslavovich, you should have named at least one; people would like to look at the hero - member of "Edinaya Russia" as on living miracle. By the way, about miracles. Twice Hero of the Soviet Union, pilot - cosmonaut Alexey Leonov made public speech on the anti-recessionary sit-round gathering mentioned by me. The facts from his reference to "Edinaya Russia" - evident certificate to that this party does not keep abreast of the country. While such "miracles" take place in Russia that it's high time to address for explanations to the chapter of the Central Electoral Commission who, for sure, (and all Russians know about it) is capable of any miracle.


So, what did general A.Leonov tell highly experienced members of "Edinaya Russia" in a threshold of the Day of Astronautics? Having noted that many air crashes take place in the Russian Federation because of the notorious human factor, the cosmonaut emphasized: that factor started to make the way into space affairs also. He made an example: "Secret: in half an hour the ship "Union" should launch, the commander is Gennady Padalko - pilot - cosmonaut, twice Hero of the Soviet Union, brilliant expert ... On the eve Ministry of Defence demobilizes G.Padalko from the army ...".


A.Leonov told that soon there would be no Zvesdny town, Center of preparation of cosmonauts as management of the Ministry of Finance thought that they didn't need the Center for carrying out of general space preparations; supposedly it could be carried out in institutes. Our wunder - financiers also think that there's no necessity of financing of the Group of cosmonauts. The Ministry of Defence passes up the Center of preparation of cosmonauts. Probably, Leonov is not the only person who think that the Russian subjugators of space bring to the Native land the hugest benefit, giving the most valuable information both to high technologies, navigation and monitoring of the Earth. He explained what such monitoring meant: "It is the deepest investigation of what is both on a surface and inside ... In fact all these petroliferous provinces which we gave now to Kazakhstan and Тurkmenia - were opened by us! It's not the merit of only cartography, there - everything ... ".


If, listening to the Hero of the country, normal person feels the desire to set his teeth from indignation, then another desire - to burst out laughing, I think, appeared when the member of presidium of General Council of the party, vice-president of Council of Federation Svetlana Orlova finished her performance. She called the colleagues to affect somehow the content of TV-information about crisis. Thus she reminded a case when, having heard plenty of such information, the head of one family made a suicide. I personally explain the given suicide by that poor fellow didn't get accustomed to ten "yes" sounded by the member of "Edinaya Russia" I.Jarovaya.



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